Nobody showed you how to live?
Get a steady job, couple kids
But I’ve been on a ten-speed thinking about the time as the sun sets
Like, what would I do different if I hit rewind and did it again?
These lyrics in a song by K.Flay called “Dreamers” had me thinking about my past. She goes on to sing:
I used to knock on wood
I used to never curse
I used to think I could
Control the universe
With my obsessive thoughts
And what felt like a prayer
I shouted to the sky, don’t let my family disappear
I used to feel alone
I used to not belong
But little did I know I had the power all along
I know where those words come from.
Then I went to church yesterday, and the sermon was on “Faith vs. Fear.” Sometimes things line up. Our pastor asked, “What do you need to leave behind? What are you afraid of?”
Maybe we all have something we need to leave behind. Funny thing is it could be good or bad, yet still have power over us. Things we have accomplished and acquired can end up controlling us and limiting our ability to risk or change. Things we are ashamed of can cause us to doubt our worth or capability and prevent us from investing ourselves in the future.
The question that needs to be answered is, “Who am I?”
Am I my accomplishments? Am I my failures?
In Philippians 3, Paul says that a bus load of stuff he once thought was important is now gone from his life and replaced by faith in Christ. His stuff brought him respect and power and acclaim in the world. It could just as easily be stuff that brings shame and crippling fear. What it all has in common is who is driving the bus.
Do I want my future in my hands or in God’s? Is what I’m afraid of bigger than God? How’s it working for me when I am in control? There is a phrase we often use in recovery that says, “My best thinking got me here.”
In a very real way, I need to forget the past, focus on the future, and press on to the goal. No fear, just faith. Not trying, but trusting. No longer chained to my past, I am free to realize my future.
What do you need to forget?